An Off Day....

Yesterday was kind of an off day for me.  I've noticed that my mood is closely linked to C and the same goes for him.  So every now and again I get.... well annoyed.

Don't get me wrong C is a great guy.  He's loving, attentive, generous and he is my best friend. I know he goes out of his way to talk to me with the little free time that he has. But sometimes I don't know if he realizes that I do the same.  That I always keep my phone nearby and on instant messenger.  That I try to stay near the house so that we can video chat. So I wonder how he is going to handle it when I start working full time again during the hours we usually chat.

So yesterday we were supposed to be "video chatting", but it felt as though I was doing most of the chatting and he was giving me occasional responses. Might I add that he was web surfing at the same time... So shortly after I told he I could talk to him later and he said "you sound disappointed". Of course I said no I'm not, even though I was.  He said "we've talked a long time", it was maybe 20 minutes or so. We said our love yous and ended our chat.

Why was I disappointed?  Because our last couple of combined instant messaging conversations before that were for maybe a total of 15 minutes with pauses included.  Because I hate feeling as though I'm leading a conversation.  It makes me not even want to talk in the first place. Of course I'm not going to ignore him, but maybe I just should not be as quick jump.

A few months ago C told me "babe we have to let things happen naturally", meaning that we shouldn't plan out when we could talk. At the time I was store manager during 4th quarter working 70 hour weeks. I tried to explain to him that I did not have a lot of time and that I really had to put forth effort so that we could talk, but he did not seem to get it. So... for the next week I let it happen "naturally" and we did not talk for five days.  And he finally realized that maybe there should be more thought there.

I've learned to write emails that I never send to help me vent. Venting is an awesome tool! It helps me feel better and to get my thoughts together. It also provides me with the opportunity to censor myself.  After I vent, if there is something still bothering me and I realize that its not me being delusional I bring it up in the form of an e-mail. It has worked wonders for us.

So I guess for the next few days I will let things happen naturally, if we talk we talk and if we don't we don't. So why am I clicking over to instant messaging to see if he is "available".

Dang...

So I know I said I would continue the story and I will very very soon... I pinky promise =)


     Thinking about our beginning makes me miss Mr. C even more than I already do.  And to think that he could have been home some time this month before his deployment got extended just downright sucks. But I have a great support system in my Mom.

     Mr. C is my best friend and I'm so happy to have him in my life.  The good thing about this deployment is the fact that our relationship is so much stronger.  You see this might sound a little scandalous, but C and I moved in together around three months after we met.  Shocking right??? And totally not like us, but hey it worked and I will talk about it in another post.

"Wow my hand looks huge here!! I'm not putting uncensored pictures up of Mr. C until after I tell him about the blog and get his permission". Jess

     So right now I'm just thinking about the future. All the things we want to do when he gets back its gonna be A.W.E.S.O.M.E.  Mr. C has already told me that he wants to spend the first couple of days alone. Wink...Wink... Yeah, I just can't wait for some good... FOOD.

       Ha, what did you think I was gonna say...but that too.  You see one of the things I miss the most are our date nights.  Mr. C is a fat kid, meaning that he eats a lot, but he works out a lot too in order to compensate for it.  Unfortunately he has turned me into a semi fat kid and I don't work out nearly as much as I used to and I need to, but that's for another post.  I miss our dinners a lot, whether it was at our favorite place we love, take out or my homemade meals (its true the way to a mans heart is his tummy).

I shall post again soon, Jess.